How to visit an art museum with Sherry Barrett?

You may be disappointed, or delighted, to learn that I fly through art museums. I have a short attention span so I need to get in and see all the good stuff before I get bored by the boring stuff. I scan the walls of a room to see what the general vibe is and if I like I enter; if not, I move on. I am not interested in all art. It may sound very illiberal and close minded of me, but let’s face facts, there are millions of artworks in this world and I have better things to do with my life than learn to appreciate art that makes me want to throw up. I don’t want those images stuck in my mind giving me nightmares. Also, I have seen enough Renaissance art and portraits to last me a lifetime and I don’t have 15 minutes to watch the video of your plastic bag floating in the wind. I choose not to interact with these images and artists because life is short, brain storage is limited, and I can meet you in the next room. If you still want to visit a museum with me, I will share with you my practice.

1. In the first scan of a new exhibit I try to answer the questions: What kind of art is this and do I recognize anything? I could read the exhibit guide, but I don’t want to. With one sweep I can discover the room is full of portraits, landscapes, still life, sculpture, installation, single artist, multiple artists, European, African, abstract, and the like. A good curator will have a theme for the room and there will be a concept holding the room together, I like to see if I can figure it out for myself.
2. If I like what I see, or recognize some items, I try to guess the artist or at least place the artwork in categories I know like Pre-Raphaelite, Impressionist, Abstract and so on. I will then skim every painting description to see if I’m right and meet new interesting artists if I’m wrong. I like to really look at works I like, or I’ve only seen in books, to add this new information to that painter’s portfolio in my mind.  I have learned that almost every national gallery has a Monet or Manet, Pissarro or Picasso, Turner or Reynolds, Michelangelo or DaVinci, even if it is just a terrible drawing from a mildewed sketchbook when they were 12 years old. I have also learned from these mildewed sketches that Picasso wasn’t always a cubist, Monet painted icebergs as well as water lilies, Pissarro seems to have been a machine, and Michelangelo was much more skilled with the male form than the female.
3. If I read everything in a room of art, the curator and/or artist has tricked me and they get a gold star. They have managed to capture me with a creative and inventive display that I am learning from and you should wait for me in the next room.
4. I will take a photo of the art card for artwork I like that I’ve not met before. At home I will look for more work by that artist online and learn about them and their technique because I’m in a hurry to look at art when at the gallery.
5. I will want to talk about the artwork. Sometimes I can wait until lunch and sometimes I need to say something now. I remember visiting the Hirschhorn Museum in Washington D.C. with a girlfriend when we were teenagers. We were enjoying ourselves discussing a piece of art, I suppose not in a very sophisticated or quiet manner, because a man turned to us and said, “Why can’t you kids go to Disneyland like everyone else your age.” Poor elderly gentleman, he has no friends and doesn’t understand that public museums are for the public. But, he taught me to whisper when I must share my thoughts about the design elements in an Escher, Dali’s perspective on the crucifixion, I’m afraid but fascinated by The Gates of Hell, and REALLY! human poop in a can- yep, Tate Modern.
6. I will sometimes go back and really take in my favorite works before leaving the museum because I want to burn those images in my mind. I don’t want to forget how that artwork made me feel so I can enjoy the memory forever.
7. And that’s how we got through that museum in in one hour. Shall we hit some local artists’ galleries on the side street? I promise not to talk to them because that could take a while. Go to an art museum and enjoy it! You don't have to read everything, like everything, or even look in every room. I guarantee you'll find something to talk about.